With today’s blooming economy, rising salaries and ample employment opportunities, it may be time to consider leaving your job. Perhaps you’d like to write a novel, travel, or just spend some quality time on the couch. After all, it’s an employee’s market out there.

It’s a new world out there — a world custom-made for the digerati. While you’ve probably moved on from slow, stodgy e-mail and finding even twitter a bit too archaic for your tastes, sometimes you must talk with the unwashed masses. But don’t play by their rules: Stand up and stick out! Being chained to your desk is the old you. Now it’s time to become gainfully unemployed.

With that end in mind, here are some tips to help put you out of the door. While you may not get fired for your e-mail habits alone, they will go a long way to proving your worth of a severance package and unemployment benefits.

1. Don’t say hello

You’re busy. You don’t have time for so-called social graces: You know who you’re talking to, and if they bothered to read the from: address, they know who you’re talking at. So skip right on past that line where old folks say “Hello,” “Good morning,” or even “Bob.” Cut to the chase, mister.

2. Ramble

So long as you’re already writing the e-mail, you may as well brain-dump on them. After all, your e-mail is part of your brand, and you’re not going to miss a chance like this, are you? Go ahead, slip a joke or two in there. Tell them about your plans for your mini-retirement. You’ll get to the point when you get to it. If they’ve moved on to the next e-mail before they get to what you’re actually saying, their loss, right? Screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

3. Go incognito

You know what’s worse than writing e-mail? Reading it. Worse yet is getting phone calls. Make sure to strip out all your contact information. Any time you spend on following up is time you’re not spending on you, so forget that noise. Of course, it’s hard to forge a reply address, so just use an account you rarely check.

4. Forward everything

Sending jokes to everyone in your address book is so old hat as to be transparent, so let that one slide. But make sure to bring your co-workers, or better yet, supervisors, into any conversation you can. Bonus points if it’s a series of heated, one-line exchanges. Full headers and signatures are a must for this game, so that all the actual content is spaced out as much as possible. But please make sure to top-post, lest they gain some context.

5. Mix business with pleasure

All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy. Make sure you spice up all your business-related communiqués with something wildly inappropriate. Need to send Bob in accounting a copy of a purchase order? Tell him about that skirt in advertising. Comparing schedules with your team? Compare your boss to third-world dictators. By mixing in a little bit of fun, you’ll make it that much easier for damaging comments to be left in the inevitable CC: somewhere along the line.

6. Send right away

Everyone knows that when you’re done typing is when you press send. Don’t read the e-mail over! You just wrote it, do you want to read it, too? And spell check never works, so you may as well skip that. You may want to spend a second to make sure the e-mail address is right, but that’s pushing it.

Remember, if you can stand to hear your e-mail read aloud to you very slowly by HR, you’re doing it wrong. If your e-mail doesn’t elicit such phrases as “gross improprieties” or “conduct unbecoming,” or at the very least, “very unprofessional,” you’re going to be stuck at your desk forever.

This article was written by John Roach http://prowritingtips.com John is a writer and copy editor. You can follow him on twitter at @johnwroachiii. To see more posts click here

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